Burning Questions
by Lord Cynic
Summary: The burning questions that Chrno Crusade related individuals, manga or anime characters, readers, viewers and writers alike might ask, with a humorous twist... maybe. OCs Artherius Cynic and Mashu may feature as 'protagonists' from now on. Thus, rating up
1. Is it true?

**Lord Cynic: **"Hoopa! Oh, don't mind me, I just like saying the word. Hoopa! Hoopa! Okay, I'm done. This is going to be another humour series filled with one-shots. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning **Dance with destiny**, I'm just finding songs for the next chapter. I hope this'll satisfy a few appetites for those who wanted warped humour. This series of one-shots are, as the title suggests, burning questions that either I or other people may have held in their minds for some time. By other people, I'd assume the characters within Chrno Crusade as well. The titles for each one-shot will be a particular question associated with the one-shot without being the actual question. It'll keep ya guessing. Enjoy!"

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**Lord Cynic: **"I don't own Chrno Crusade. Boo hoo!"

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_**Is it true?**_

Several pairs of eyes stared back at him, some wide with fascination, others gleaming with malevolence. The expressions on their faces matched their orbs of varying tones - there were more than one with a sinister smirk etched on their features. Nonetheless, they all asked the same question: "Is it true?"

However, one of his interrogators was wearing a most unusual expression on her face, which caused his stomach to plummet. Her head was tilted slightly, allowing her blonde bangs to fall over her face in an irresistibly cute fashion. Her eyes glittered with curiosity, but it wasn't naive like a certain lavender haired girl's. Instead, it was a piercing curiosity, one that desired the truth with the utmost importance.

He froze nervously under the intense stares he was receiving, not quite accustomed to so much attention from so many humans. An involuntary swallow signalled his discomfort as his nervous crimson eyes travelled from accusing face to accusing face. Their expressions didn't falter, but the curious girl disconcerted him the most. For some reason, it felt as if her response (should he answer the question) would matter the most. For the life of him (which was quite long, given what he was), he could not figure out why.

'_I feel like I'm being interrogated by Aion's followers_,' he thought, breaking the silence, at least in his mind.

However, the physical silence would be broken shortly afterwards.

"Well?" the voice was demanding and slightly impatient. It came from the redhead of the group, and she swore a smirk that seemed to suggest she had something sinister on her mind. It was almost as if she already knew the answer, and only needed confirmation, even at his expense.

"W-Well what?" he stammered, doing his best to avoid giving a straight answer.

"You know exactly what," the redhead persisted, her eyes drilling into him dangerously.

"Come on, Chrono," a short blonde girl piped up, finally providing him with a name. "It's not so hard, just answer yes or no."

"That's what you think," 'Chrono' mumbled. However, he was denied sympathy by the persistent redhead, who beared down on his short, hornless form.

"What was that?"

Chrono became silent, but the redhead didn't adjust her proximity. Instead, she smirked satisfactorily, causing Chrono to blanch. However, a tall brunette girl noticed something perturbing, and nudged her redheaded friend.

"Anna? It is wise not to remain so close," she warned her.

"What are you talking about, Claire?" 'Anna' asked her friend 'Claire'. She realised a panicked expression on the face of the short blonde girl, and raised an eyebrow. "What are you staring at, Mary - ah! Rosette!"

Everyone, Chrono included, jumped at the irate expression on the formerly curious golden-haired blonde's face. Her eyes were no longer slightly wide, but narrowed dangerously at Anna. The latter blanched and stepped away from Chrono, although frowning at her oppressor.

"What's your problem, Rosette?" she asked irritably. "I haven't seen you try to get your dear demon friend to spill the beans. Then again, you'd probably eat them off the floor."

'Rosette' fumed, her fists clenched tightly at her sides, looking as if she wanted to clock Anna once and for all. On the other hand, Chrono blushed at Anna's implications, wondering briefly if she knew something he hoped she didn't. Rosette's cheeks also appeared to have adopted a red hue, albeit lighter than Chrono's, but she didn't follow through with her fist threats. Anna smirked and withdrew again as 'Mary' stared at Chrono with a beaming, penetrating smile on her face. When he realised that, he automatically scuttled backwards on his bed and looked around as if he was searching for an escape route. They were all in the Elder's hut, where he'd been cornered - while asleep. Don't ask how, and especially why so early in the morning (although the more astounding factor would be, Rosette, awake at this hour! Impossible!).

"You still haven't answered the question," Mary urged. "What are you afraid of?"

'_More than any of you could possibly know_,' Chrono thought with heavy dread. Once again, he avoided eye contact with any and everyone. Oh, how he wished he could disappear like food would in front of Rosette. Then again, he still had no idea how the heck he even ended up in his predicament. He shuddered to even think about how he left his defences down.

Suddenly, he realised that two people were yet to utter a word. There was the enigmatic Rosette, who was still glaring at Anna out of the corner of her eye. The blonde's moods seemed to change with every passing second, but now seemed stuck on annoyance. On the other hand, there was the lavender haired girl, who gazed up at him with wide, innocent eyes. For some reason, Chrono didn't like it, but he found it futile to decipher what the two girls (Rosette and the lavender haired) were thinking. But that didn't mean he appreciated the eager faces of Anna, Mary and Claire any better. Especially since the smiles on Anna and Mary were growing wider.

Suddenly, the hornless demon developed distaste for silence. How he hated the emptiness of the Elder's hut, especially since it amplified the silence. Ironically, it still didn't prepare him for the sudden interrogation. Grr, damn that sucks!

His bitter thoughts were interrupted by a gently prodding voice. He lifted his head to meet the voice's owner: the previously mute lavender haired girl. Her head was tilted like Rosette's had been, and Chrono was reminded of how alike the two girls really were. If it weren't for the difference in their eye and hair colours (Rosette's orbs were blues, the other girl's were almost as red as his), and Rosette's fiery temper (whereas the other girl didn't have one), they were exactly like one another. Their voices were even slightly similar, which was unnerving in its own way.

Speaking of which, the light purple-haired girl's voice brought him back to reality, and was requesting a response. However, when his brain registered the question asked, he immediately paled. If his voice hadn't been semi-permanently lodged in his throat before, it was now.

"Chrono, is it true what they're saying?"

Once again, nothing but a tense silence greeted the inquiry. There was also some faint impatience perhaps due to Chrono continually avoiding answering the question. However, while it didn't seem to show on the surface through facial expressions or words, Chrono could detect it through the girl's postures. The trio of Anna, Mary and Claire were leaning forward slightly, hands clapped together in front of their faces. The lavender haired girl also had her hands clasped together, but not in a begging fashion. Rosette, on the other hand, had her arms crossed and eyes anywhere but at Chrono, and that scared him.

Anna must've noticed a change in Chrono's expression as his eyes wandered to Rosette, as her grin became genuinely wicked. She nodded meaningly to her colleagues, whose smiles also grew rather discreet. However, it didn't go detected by the unnamed girl, who tilted her head again. She began to ask what they were thinking of, but Anna's smug voice interrupted her.

"Okay, bear with me here," she began, addressing Chrono. "You won't answer me, Claire or Mary, and you won't answer Azmaria (the pale-haired girl blushed at being addressed). So, would you answer if... Rosette asked you?"

For the second time, it provoked the desired result, to an extent. While Rosette snapped her head to glare venomously (although it did falter slightly), Chrono reddened considerably and started twiddling his thumbs. The bed underneath him sagged slightly as he also shifted uncomfortably. Perhaps he sat on a tack or something, who knows. Nonetheless, Anna knew she hit the jacket. All she needed now was some coordination, although something did surface in her thoughts. She just didn't know how it had slipped her mind previously.

"Rosette," she began, "how come you don't know this? You've known Chrono longer than any of us. Didn't it ever occur to find this out?"

Rosette blanched fleetingly, but managed to regain her composure. She fixed Anna with a cold stare, although it did strike an important chord of doubt. _'It _is _none of my business_,' she mused. _'But, sometimes I wonder about that. Is Chrono hiding something from me_?'

Said demon was preoccupied with his thoughts (focussed mainly on escape), so he was caught off-guard when Rosette vigorously and determinedly addressed him.

"Chrono, is it true? Are those three (she pointed to Anna, Mary and Claire) right?"

Oh no, it seemed that his greatest weakness had been exploited. He could never refuse his contractor, no matter what the request. It was only fair, considering what he was already doing to her. But could he answer in front of someone who might treat him different afterwards. No, that was garbage. Of course she wouldn't... right? She's better than that, so her opinion of him couldn't change. Not even if...

He mentally gave a heavy sigh, and raised his head to the group of female heads.

"It... It's true," he answered at least. His cheeks flushed as crimson as his eyes. "I am."

The reaction was astounding. There was a loud squeal of triumph as the trio of sisters, Anna, Claire and Mary, jumped up and down (although Claire was a little controlled). They high-fived each other and instant gave Chrono evil grins, sending horrible shivers down his spine. Azmaria smiled innocently, taking in Chrono's confession, up at Rosette, who seemed to look rather relieved. In fact, her cheeks did seem a little flushed, which caused Azmaria to giggle. The blonde asked the younger girl was what so amusing, but she shook her head and mumbled something inaudible. That left Rosette with more questions to ask Chrono after this morning's little session.

The demon boy thought the worst was over at last. Then Azmaria spoke.

"Um... Chrono... what's a virgin?"

_**THE END**_


	2. Does she or doesn't she?

**Lord Cynic: **"It's about time I updated this. Although I also have another incentive, and since the person doesn't have an email that I can view, I guess this is a better way to do things without getting pinged by FFnet again. Grr.

Anyways, this is sort of a personal fanfic in a sense. It features Artherius Cynic, i.e., me, and my human real life counterpart. Now, he hates his real name, and since a month ago has referred to himself as "Mashu". I'll be respectful this time and refer to him as that too. It's mostly in his POV, and you'll have to wade through 1000 or so words to reach anything faintly in the Chrono Crusade universe, but this is 3000+ words long. You can live with that, right? I hope so. Enjoy!"

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**Centauri Cruxis Angel**

Your review in "Mission of the heart" kinda confused me. "Foot-foo" sessions? Either that's a typo or a term I've never heard of before. And I plan to make it a tri-shot so everyone will only get one more chapter. Sorry if that dashes hopes, but if I can make it work well it'll be swell.

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**Lord Cynic: **"I don't own Chrono Crusade. In a sense, I do own myself as a character, and my real life counterpart, Mashu as well. Don't even think about taking us two. Wait, what am I saying? Why would you want to? Hahaha... that was a good one."

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"_**Does she or doesn't she?"**_

It is the year 2005. Somewhere, in a household in the middle of nowhere, a teenage male pressed the off switch on his DVD player. The VCR above the TV glared the numbers 2:07 on its clock, earning a somewhat intrigued raised eyebrow. Despite his evidently unhealthy sleeping habits, the young man's eyes were wide-awake. Perhaps it was the empty container of coffee beans strewn on the floor next to him, but he was feeling next to no fatigue. As a result, he could watch his friend's DVD without nodding to sleep in the first 15 minutes. Not if he wanted a hefty electrical bill at the end of the week because he unwittingly left the TV on - again.

Speaking of which, with a disappointed grunt, he ambled over to the DVD player, ejected the disc and replaced it in its case. Any scratches and he'd be a dead man, he reminded himself. However, when he flipped the case over, and the words "Chrono Crusade" stuck out above a picture of a blonde nun with a gun and a violet haired demon, a coy smirk spread across the teenage male's face. He silently thanked his friend for the loan of the cartoon, but then yawned briefly. Damnit, the coffee wasn't working, he was still falling asleep! How does that happen!

Rubbing his eyes irritably, he fell blindly but safely backwards onto the couch he'd been watching from, and he blissfully closed his eyes. The "Chrono Crusade" DVD case lay against his chest as he slowly drifted to sleep. He would never notice that it began to flash violently and shake as he slumbered. Then again, he wouldn't notice a nuclear explosion or (when awake) whether a girl had a C-cup or an E-cup (but he's a guy, so the latter is to be expected). Typical lazy ass.

In any case, a mysterious, beige light surrounded the sleeping sod, and he was engulfed in its splendour. Although, anything beige is bound to be suspicious, being such a shady colour and all. Don't try to deny it; we all know it's true. It's about as inconspicuous as clothes in a nudist's camp... er, moving on...

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When the light disappeared, the teenage male was dumped in none other than 1928 New York. How quaint. However, he didn't seem to think so as he recovered from a rude awakening. Other than having his 3-hour long sleep interrupted, he had found himself in a place he wished he wasn't. Why? Because there would be no Internet, no video games, no DVDs, no mobiles, and no anime or manga in the Roaring 20's. Oh, the horror.

But the worst was yet to come. As soon as he'd recovered enough to realise his situation, a deafening pop nearly knocked him out again. After he'd batted his ears back to their senses, he discovered an unfortunately familiar face standing before him. If it weren't for the shorter and spikier hairstyle, the larger build or the sunglasses, he would've sworn he was staring at himself. Thankfully, such trauma could be avoided when the person spoke in an irritating, American-like voice (despite also being Australian).

"How goes it, chump?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and his sunnies at the same time. "Remember me?"

"Horrifying," the other male groaned, rising to his feet. He stared up at the sunglasses-clad young man and frowned. "Just what are you doing here?"

"How should I know?" The second male shrugged. "This is your dream sequence."

The first male was dumbfounded.

"This is a what!" he spat, spraying his companion with saliva. "How the hell did that happen, Cynic?"

'Cynic' cleaned his sunglasses irritably and frowned. He then fixed the shorter boy with a piercing stare.

"Don't ask me, 'Mashu'," he replied coldly, letting the name 'Mashu' roll off his tongue with bitterness. "I just know I was reading my magazines and suddenly I get dragged to 1920-something America for no reason whatsoever. I guess that since I'm the smartest from our lot ('Mashu' frowned) it became my duty to accompany you through this. Whatever it is."

"I think I know where we are," Mashu said, as he realised that he was holding the Chrono Crusade DVD. Cynic saw the case and stared at his colleague, but Mashu ignored it. "Welcome, my spiky-haired friend, to the world of Chrono Crusade."

"Chrono what?" Now Cynic was flabbergasted. "What kind of hellhole have you dragged me to, Mashu! Some twisted figment of your retarded imagination?"

"Oy," Mashu growled, fixing his adversary with a resentful glare. "If you want, you can just cart your arse back to wherever you were. Probably in the toilet with your perverted mind. But before you go," he added, looking up and down the street they were situated on, "come with me somewhere. I need to gather some opinions, and despite my better judgement, I know you have more people skills than I do for the job. Besides, you're a hanyou (half-demon), so you'll be perfect." He frowned dangerously. "Either that, or I'll use my 'retarded imagination' to create a female character to chase you for eternity."

Cynic's face paled, and he ducked his head to mutter inappropriate obscenities. However, after much sinning, he reluctantly agreed with a nod of the head. That gave Mashu the cue to jack his thumb up and wave it along the edge of the road.

"What the heck are you doing?" Cynic asked. "Don't tell me we're gonna hitchhike."

"You got a better idea?" Mashu raised an eyebrow of his own. "I have a sense of direction like I have a sense of fashion. Even you can vouch to that."

"Touché," Cynic muttered, staring at his human companion's clothes. A furry coat, a ripped T-Shirt, tracksuit pants and faded sneakers would hardly win Mashu a "Most Fashionable Person" award. Not in 2005, and definitely not in 1928. "I just hope you don't get arrested."

"What about you?" Mashu asked, pausing to turn around and glance at his half-demon colleague. The partially unholy person was donned in a (rather tacky) sleeveless red shirt with a blue vest slapped on top of it for ultimate colour clash. Similarly toned gloves accompanied the shirt on Cynic's hands, and brown pants and green trainers completed the worst description of clothing possible in any timeframe. "I daresay you're not the snappiest dresser either."

"That's only 'cause you make me wear this crap!" Cynic spat. However, he was ignored when Mashu went back to sticking his thumb out and waiting for someone to, in his words, "givus a lift." Growling agitatedly, he folded his arms and stared across the road at anything he could. Luckily for him, he found a character of authority he could abuse as long as it didn't come back to bite him in the ass. "Aha! Someone to vent my anger out on!"

Before Mashu knew what was happening, Cynic had extracted his wings and glided over the road. Unfortunate drivers were caught off-guard, had spun and were teetering precariously over the edge of cliffs on the sides of the road, but Mashu had more things to worry about. Gee, what great priorities this guy has. Anyway, after the mayhem of the road accidents, he dashed across the road to join the hanyou, who was chatting to a policeman. For some reason, he looked very familiar.

"Aw, c'mon," Cynic said, flapping his demon wings idly, "can't you give us a ride? We won't bite."

"The fact that you deliberately omitted the word "don't" isn't very reassuring," the policeman said, scowling. "And you're a demon for goodness' sake! We ought to destroy you here and now!"

"You and what army?" Cynic asked, smirking. He pointed behind the chief, who turned around and discovered that his officers had disappeared upon Cynic's appearance. "It's just you and me, pal."

"Don't even think about it," Mashu frowned, finally catching up to them. "Cynic, what the heck are you doing now? We still have somewhere to -"

The familiarity of the police chief suddenly hit the teenage boy, and he stared at the moustachioed man as if he was a long-lost brother. After a moment of unsettling silence, Mashu finally dug his hand into his pants pocket and dug out a crumpled picture. Don't ask how or why he has it, as I don't doubt you will when you discover who it is. Ignoring the police chief's complaints, he shoved the picture under his nose.

"Do you know this person?" he inquired, earning questioning looks from Cynic and the chief.

"I do remember them, although rather distastefully," the latter answered. "Why do you ask?"

"I have a question I'd like to ask you instead," Mashu said simply. He leaned in and whispered in the chief's ear, ignoring Cynic, who was finally detracting his wings. "Well, does she or doesn't she?" Mashu asked impatiently.

"Well..." The chief took time to think it through. "I wouldn't think she does. Not to me, anyway. Although, when I think about it, sometimes it can become unpleasing after a while."

"Thank you very much," Mashu said, mentally checking off on a private list. "So," he began slowly, "wouldja givus a lift?"

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"Thanks a lot," Mashu growled as he and Cynic trudged along the streets of Brooklyn. "You just had to show off and ruin our chances of getting a ride."

"It's not my fault," Cynic grunted. "They're just prejudice against hanyous. My wings needed a stretch, what else could I do?"

"Not bring them out for everyone to see!" Mashu sighed, exasperatedly. "Couldn't they wait? Like, maybe 50 years later?"

"Real funny."

"It's what I do."

Cynic snorted, but something kept prodding his mind and wouldn't let go.

"Where are we going, anyway?" he asked, watching his human colleague look up and down the road.

"You'll see when we get there. Just keep your mouth shut, your wings wherever they go and your eyes on the road in case anyone does give us a lift."

"I doubt that'll happen," Cynic muttered. "For all I know we could be stuck here for yonks."

"Just zip it and keep looking," Mashu snapped. Cynic gave a frustrated grunt, but kept silent and also scanned the road.

Unfortunately for the pair, no such blessing would arrive. As a result, they were forced to travel on foot to wherever Mashu was headed. If only it wasn't so far away...

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After an hour's worth of walking (nearly making both of them collapse in the process), the human-hanyou pair found themselves in front of a pair of large gates. Even if they stood on each other's shoulders, they couldn't reach the top, the gates were that tall. Then again, when said males weren't even 6 feet tall, it's to be expected. However, that's not the focus here.

Cynic positively gawked at Mashu, who was examining the gates closely.

"Where the hell are we?" he asked. "I've never seen a place like this before!"

"First of all," Mashu began, "try not to curse here. This is a holy place. Second, this is the Magdalene Order. Basically they exorcist demons."

Cynic blanched, and his whole body went rigid. Mashu noticed the tense aura around his companion and smirked minutely. Oh, this would be so much fun if he didn't have business to attend to.

"They exorcist demons? Then why am I here!" Cynic asked, bewildered.

"Relax," Mashu said. "You don't look like a demon if you keep those instincts in check. Just act like a normal person. Well, try to. Lord knows you usually don't do a proper job."

"Says the guy who deliberately bangs his head on his desk for no reason," Cynic grumbled. However, he was resigned to being ignored as Mashu called out through the gates.

"Hello? Anyone there? We're survey specialists and we'd like to as a few questions!"

"Like that's going to work," Cynic objected. "Who's gonna believe a bunch of teenage guys with clothes from who knows what century are survey specialists. Are you sure they even know what a survey is?"

"They're not stupid, you know," Mashu said.

As if on cue, a bouncy blonde girl ran up to the gate. At first glance, it seemed to the guys that Mashu was about to eat his words. Well, get out a fork and knife, Mashu, because it's lunchtime!

"Hi!" the blonde greeted cheerfully. "My name's Mary! What's yours?"

"Er..." Cynic was astounded at how freely this strange girl could converse with them. Thankfully, Mashu took the initiative.

"Greetings, Miss Mary. My name is Mr. Mashu, and this is my assistant, Mr. Cynic." Mashu indicated who was who. "As I said before, we are travelling survey specialists and often journey around New York asking strange and obscure questions. Today, however, we are on a personal mission, which is why we've come here. May we enter the grounds so that the survey may take place? It involves one of your own and I daresay it would be optimal for this to occur within the grounds rather than out here. It's rather unusual, isn't it?"

"It sure is!" Mary said, beaming. Such was the contrast of words. "Come on in, I'm sure Sister Kate won't mind."

Cynic opened his mouth to speak, but not even a grunt could be uttered before the massive gates opened before him. He glanced at Mashu warily, who shrugged and grinned, and reluctantly he allowed a smirk of his own, even though he had no idea what was going on. However, he knew it was going to be trouble sooner or later.

"Welcome to the Magdalene Order!" Mary said cheerfully, clapping her hands. "Wait here, I'll get the gang so you can start the survey!"

She made to turn around, but Mashu stopped here.

"Just a moment," he said. He dug out the crumpled picture from his pocket and showed it to Mary. "Make sure she's not in the party. The survey involves her for the most part, and I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate what I have to ask."

Mary glanced at the picture, which Cynic still hadn't seen yet, and waved her hand dismissively. Cynic frowned and Mashu raised an eyebrow, but Mary dismissed those too and ran off into the large building, leaving the pair of males wondering if this was a good idea.

After a moment's silence, Cynic whipped out something from inside his vest. Mashu's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets when he realised what it was. In less than an instant, he'd yanked the offending item out of Cynic's hands and glared at the half-demon.

"Why the heck do you have that!" he asked, stunned beyond belief. "How old are you, 17, right? Why do you have... that type of magazine with you?"

"Geez, get a grip," Cynic said angrily, snatching the magazine back. "I see I'm the only one who went through puberty."

Mashu was about to pop a vein (and Cynic's skull) when Mary returned... with about half a dozen other people. Cynic stared at the numbers, but Mashu was undeterred. On the contrary, he was impressed at the turn out.

"Now, don't freak out," he warned the group, "but if I remember correctly..." He began to point at random people and recite names. "Anna (a redhead), Claire (a brunette), Azmaria (a lavender-haired girl), Joshua (another blonde), Sister Kate (a women who looked extremely irritable), Father Remington (a blonde male who seemed to have 'entrepreneur' written all over him), and the Elder (an elderly man with bizarre spectacles and eyes for a certain pair of knickers hanging somewhere). Am I right?"

Astounded was an understatement. Everyone mentioned above gaped at him, lost for words. He'd even caught the Elder's attention, which was difficult to do when lingerie was in his line of sight. Only Mashu was unfazed, and he assumed that he'd gotten everyone's names in that case.

Oh, and if anyone wanted to know... the Chrono Crusade DVD case was in his shirt. Don't ask how or why.

Nonetheless, the boy was satisfied at his success and began to speak confidently to the baffled group.

"I've asked today for your assistance in a survey I'm taking. However, if I remember correctly, there should be another member of your party. Where is he?"

"Do you mean Chrono?" 'Azmaria' asked timidly. "He was ordered to wipe the windows so he couldn't come."

Mashu simply nodded, without asking who caused Chrono's absence. Cynic eyed him oddly, but Mashu ignored him for the umpteenth time and directed his attention to the party. An anger vein throbbed in Cynic's forehead, but for the sake of not being destroyed by exorcists he kept his fury in check.

"That's a shame," Mashu said simply. "Oh well, I guess it can't be helped. Still, since he knows the most about the subject of my survey, his opinion will be terribly missed. Alas, life moves on..."

Everyone sweatdropped as Mashu continued to babble on pointlessly. However, before he went completely off track, Cynic promptly batted him over the head with a heavy tree branch. If not knocking him out cold, it knocked Mashu back to his senses, and he cleared his throat apologetically. The members of the Order, after recovering from the bizarre spectacle, finally snapped back to attention.

"As I was saying," Mashu continued, "our survey is based on a member of yours whom you know quite well. As such, it shouldn't be hard, especially since it's only one question."

The majority of people fell down in stupidity as a young boy ran up to them. Cynic eyed him warily, sensing an unusual but familiar aura. The boy detected the hanyou's gaze and tilted his head in a confused fashion, receiving a death glare that made him extremely uncomfortable. However, no one noticed their silent exchanges until Mashu saw Cynic's withering stare and where it was directed.

"Aha, just the guy," the human male said, clapping his hands. "Chrono, old chap, join us. I was about to require your services in my survey."

"Um, okay," Chrono said timidly, still eyeing Cynic apprehensively. 'I sense a dangerous presence within that person. But who is he?'

"Our names are Mr. Mashu and Mr. Cynic," Mashu explained, pointing to himself and Cynic respectively. "We are travelling survey specialists and have come here today to ask your assistance in a special survey about a certain member of your exorcist team. Now, assuming she's not eavesdropping on us, I'm going to ask you all a question very quietly, so you'll have to listen closely. Okay, now..."

Cynic was once again excluded when Mashu gathered everyone else around him and started whispering hurriedly. However, the half-demon did notice that most, if not all of the Magdalene Order members started stifling snickers and clasping their mouths. Even Mashu managed a smirk, although it vanished as soon as it came.

Cynic was about to try and eavesdrop, but as soon as he got close, the group broke up and he was left to mutter obscenities. Mashu, being the somewhat observant fellow that he was, noticed the discontent expression on his colleague's face and muttered, "You'll find out soon." While not being totally satisfied, Cynic's temper soothed and he allowed himself the satisfaction of having the option of scaring the crap out of everyone with his demon form if he wanted to. Oh, the irony of it all.

Mashu glanced from one face to the next. At least three (Anna, Claire and Mary) were stifling laughter; one (Chrono) was growing steadily redder; one was frowning disapprovingly (Sister Kate); one was smiling serenely (Joshua), another nervously (Azmaria); and two others discreetly smugly (Remington and Elder). At least he got somewhat the reactions he'd expected, but no answers yet. Somehow, he didn't even need replies, but he'd like to make sure just in case.

"So? Does she or doesn't she?"

The trio of troublemaking sisters were the first to answer.

"Definitely." Anna.

"I don't think so." Mary.

"I don't really notice, but I suppose she does." Claire.

Then Azmaria and Joshua.

"Well, no, I don't think she does." Azmaria.

"I got used to it long ago." Joshua.

Then the head nun.

"As long as she's out of my hair most of the time I don't care."

Then the adult males.

"I believe not, but then again..." Remington.

"As long as I get to see her knickers, I can live with it." Elder.

Mashu stared at Cynic. All he received was a blank stare, until he remembered one member of the party was yet to answer.

"Chrono? You haven't said anything yet."

Chrono snapped out a trance and stared up at Mashu nervously. Cynic fixed him with a lethal stare, provoking the small boy to answer.

"Oh, um, I dunno. I mean, maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. That's not the only thing to notice about her though, you know? Maybe you do. Um... what was the question again?"

Mashu nearly laughed himself stupid at Chrono's incoherent blabbering. However, a sharp, decidedly ear-piercing screech drained the colour from everyone's faces.

"CHRONO! WHERE'S MY HABIT! IF YOU'VE LOST IT IN THE LAUNDRY AGAIN, LORD HELP ME, I'LL KICK YOUR DEMON BEHIND!"

"Eep! Excuse me guys, I gotta go!" And with that, Chrono was gone.

"Hmmph... I _knew_ it! He's a demon as well!" Cynic declared.

Everyone stared at him.

"_Too_? Just who are you people?" Sister Kate shrieked.

"Oh apple sauce," Mashu 'cursed'. "Cynic, you idiot! Why'd you say that for?"

"So what? You keep everything hidden so I don't know what's going on."

"Girls, get the Gospel!" Sister Kate ordered. "They mustn't get away!"

"Oh crud!" Mashu and Cynic yelled at the same time.

"Get us out of here!" Cynic demanded. "I'm too good-looking to be destroyed by your ignorance!"

"You're one to talk," Mashu muttered. "You big mouth."

Suddenly, the Chrono Crusade case fell out of his shirt and enveloped him and Cynic in its wussy beige light. The last the Magdalene Order saw of them was one of Cynic's demon wings sprouting.

* * *

With a thud, Mashu landed on his couch, almost completely winded. Clutching Chrono Crusade to his chest, he stares around his TV room. Then, a lightbulb flickers above his head... before fizzing out. Rotten, crappy quality lightbulb.

"I guess it's true for some people. Rosette really can have an annoying voice."

He drifted off to sleep, causing the house to rumble with his snoring. Somewhere, sleeping birds were falling out of their trees and into rivers. Muwahahahaha...

_**THE END

* * *

**_

**Lord Cynic: **"I'm being forced by Mashu to apologise if this offended anyone. As you can see, deep down we're both rather irritated, bitter people… to each other. Hence the cursing and so forth." (_quietly_) "Trust me, he's much worse in real life. So violent… OWW! Quit it!"

**Mashu: **"Punk." (_to the readers_) "You haven't seen the last of us, though. I've persuaded Cynic to ensure that this might be a running trend in this series of one-shots. How will we manage it? Leave it to us…"

**Lord Cynic: **"Did you have to use such a large mallet?"

**Mashu: **"… Yes."


	3. It's fake, isn't it?

**Lord Cynic: **"We're baaaaack!"

**Mashu:** "Do I have to be here?"

**Lord Cynic:** (_growls_) "Yes, because you feature in this series from now on."

**Mashu:** "Oh, cool! Who am I?"

**Lord Cynic:** "The annoying sidekick, that's who."

**Mashu:** "Bugger it, I'm going back to bed."

**Lord Cynic:** (_whacks him with a plank of wood_) "No you don't! Now do the disclaimer!"

**Mashu:** (_mutters_) "Prick…"

**

* * *

**

**Mashu: **"Lord Cynic doesn't own Chrno Crusade. He couldn't make stuff like that if he tried."

**Lord Cynic: **"Shut your face!"

**Mashu: **"Just telling the truth…"

**

* * *

**

_**Burning Questions**_

"_It's fake, isn't it?"_

Two oddly clad figures wandered fruitlessly through the streets of Brooklyn, in the city of New York of 1924. As strangers on the sidewalk strolled past, several of them performed double takes to gawk at the young men. For the most part, they had a good reason to.

One of the teenagers, somebody possibly perceived as the nerd, wore medium-size spectacles over his hazel eyes that appeared to be sliding down his nose every two minutes. He wore a thick woollen sweater that was positively absurd in the humid weather, as well as being at least three sizes too large for him, three-quarter jeans that were quickly fading, and a particularly grotesque beanie on top of his otherwise boofy black hair. To complete the bizarre get-up, he sported black dress shoes that suited the rest of him like gloves on his ears (but that was crazy, especially when they were already covered by bottle caps). Overall, not only did he look like the ultimate retard, but unfit for own his era, let alone the one he was currently situated in.

Thankfully, his slightly taller friend has a somewhat better dress sense, but by the slimmest of margins. He donned a loose leather jacket and spiked gloves, accompanied by brown cargo pants and worn out sneakers. His short, spiky hair was bleached, but from someone else's perspective, it looked like he'd just dunked his head in a tub of paint and hung himself out to dry. He also wore sunglasses, disguising resentful light brown eyes that glared at everyone who so much as glanced at him the wrong way.

After the seventh child was sent away screaming, the nerd turned irritably to the punk wannabe. His left eye twitched with annoyance – well, behind the additional eye patch that he wore.

"Why do you have that freaky get-up on, anyway?" he asked, eyeing the punk wannabe's less-than-trendy attire. His accent was nasally, and rather deep for his age. "You look like you just got out of jail… or broke out."

"At least I don't look like I should be in jail," his companion retorted, earning him a scowl. The punk wannabe's voice was slightly deeper than the nerds, and with the tiniest tinge of the local American accent. "Hell, at least I look human."

The nerd raised an eyebrow at his colleague, who failed to apprehend the irony in his comment. Realising that the punk wannabe wouldn't get it, he sighed wearily and surveyed their surroundings. People were still staring at the odd pair, and it was starting to piss them off. _Damn, _he thought. _Well, bugger it; if they want a spectacle, we'll give them one._

"Hey, Cynic," he muttered to the punk, "let 'em see your wings."

"What?" 'Cynic' spat incredulously, ignoring the started gasps of their impromptu audience. "Mashu, are you crazy? Wait, don't answer that."

"C'mon, humour me." 'Mashu' glared slightly. "You didn't have any problems doing it last time we were here."

"I'm still astounded that we came back in the first place," Cynic muttered. Noticing that Mashu's glare wasn't wilting, he sighed exasperatedly. "Pfft… fine." He took a deep breath, and, with much graphic detail, large, tattered wings spread out from inside his back. "There, are you ha… ppy…"

Upon seeing his extra, hideous bodily features, the whole street began to scream and run a disorganised riot. Cynic glanced around to look for Mashu, only to realise that, in the mayhem, he had managed to escape, leaving Cynic to fend for himself.

"Oh, **shit**…"

**

* * *

**

A nerd with horrendous fashion sense dashed into an alley, breathing with heavy exhaustion. His beanie sat lopsidedly on top of his untidy black hair, and his spectacles were sprawled on his face. However, he possessed an aura of satisfaction that only came with leaving a friend to get the short end of the stick. Even though he knew he was going to get his ass kicked later, he could at least relax and relish the moment.

Mashu looked around uncertainly, checking to see if anyone was watching him. Once he was satisfied that he wasn't being stalked, he fished through a pocket of his grossly out-of-place sweater. The contents he proceeded to remove included his wallet full of game store receipts, a few cotton balls, three used cotton wads, several mouldy tissues and a live rat. He launched the rat over a fence with a well-placed kick, and waited until he heard the squeal of terrified girls before smirking widely. The same smug, stupid smile on his dorky face, he finally managed to withdraw a graphic novel from his hideous sweater.

"Tsk," he said flippantly, flicking through its pages, "even being a demon has its downfalls. Poor, pathetic sod. I'm glad I'm not one myself."

"I'm sure you are," a menacing voice said behind him. Mashu blanched, perturbed, and spun around to discover an irate, eye-twitching Cynic glowering at him. "I could forgive you for leaving me to get trampled by a hoard of stampeding idiots, but… DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF!"

"Well," Mashu began, choosing his words carefully, "my copy's in the wash."

Cynic sweatdropped. "I'm not even doing to dignify that with an answer." He looked around sceptically. "Mashu, just where the hell are we?"

Mashu ignored him, however, and poked his head out of the alley. A vein throbbed in Cynic's forehead as he thought about hanging the shorter boy on a lamppost by his underwear. However, he was denied the opportunity when Mashu sprinted into the street. Cynic shouted nasty obscenities, making more little children wail in the process. He blanched under the death glares of their mothers, before running to follow his nerdy counterpart.

**

* * *

**

Cynic eventually caught up to Mashu in front of a bakery. He raised an eyebrow inquisitively, and when Mashu nodded his head to the window of the store, he peered curiously through the class. A sweatdrop slid down the back of his head as he watched two kids rushing from counter to counter, tray to tray. One of them, a hyperactive, blonde-haired girl (_in nun's clothing?_) was drooling excessively and trying to cram as many pastries in her mouth as humanly possible. Her eyes are large, blue and round with greed as she looted the bakery dry of its assets, until they narrowed and glared at the boy trying to haul her off. He wasn't having much success however, and Cynic smirked as he was continually swatted off. Well, no wonder, when he was at least six inches shorter than the girl he was trying to excavate by force. But his hair was quite unique. Not only was it so long that it was tied in braids, but it was purple, violet even.

Cynic nearly gagged in disgust, but he was promptly silenced by a chop to the back of the head by Mashu. The punk wannabe scowled and rubbed his aching scalp, but was denied retaliation once more when he was pulled back into an alley. Mashu eyed him warningly, and slid along the wall for Lord knows what reason. Suddenly, the nerd disappeared into the street without a word, leaving the half-demon to stare bewilderedly at the location Mashu had once occupied mere moments ago. However, he returned almost as quickly, heaving two large cages behind him – with the kids, he and Cynic had seen earlier.

"What the hell?" he blurted unceremoniously. "Mashu, what the hell are you doing? And who are these brats? (Said children scowled.)"

"Just shut up and know your role, jabroni," Mashu replied harshly, indicating the perplexed kids watching from inside their cages. "We don't want to get caught before we can even begin, do we?" he continued, lowering his voice so only he and Cynic could hear.

Cynic blanched and paled at the same time, remembering the mess that occurred last time, when he and Mashu claimed to be survey specialists. They'd managed to foil everyone with their guises and adopted identities, until he'd accidentally revealed that he was a demon. Well, not quite, he was a half-demon, and not really qualified to be a full-fledged one. Damn demon promotion committee… just because he set fire to his own tail while sleeping on the job…

"Oy! Humanity to stupidity!" a sharp voice hissed, awakening him from his thoughts. Mashu was glaring at him, and dressed in a police uniform. He'd completed it with a police hat, to give him a 'bad cop' impression (or so the pitiful loser thought). "Hurry up or they'll realise what we're doing and break out of their cages!"

"Oh, okay," Cynic replied, clicking his fingers and replacing his punk outfit with contemporary police attire like Mashu's. However, he would be damned if he was wearing a hat. Suddenly, a sudden thought struck Cynic like a ton of bricks. "Wait a minute. Mashu, you still haven't told me what you're doi -"

However, a heavy wooden door slammed closed behind him, marking Mashu's departure. Cynic fumed furiously, and said only one word as he followed suit.

"Ass-"

**

* * *

**

"-hole," Mashu growled as he dumped the cages on a sturdy, oak desk. He'd decided to make things easier for himself by sedating the inhabitants of the steel structures. Coincidentally, that also had the strange, concurrent effect of making them lighter. That was probably defying the law of physics, bur whatever.

He watched the boy and girl sleep in their individual containments. Despite the rambunctious and awful snores coming from the female (he really couldn't tell if she was human or beast), they were such… peaceful, and poor, pathetic creatures. They really had no idea what was in store for them. They were unaware of the one event that would affect them for near eternity. The way they saw each other would never be the same again.

For some reason, that provoked maniacal laughter from Mashu.

"Haha… hahaha… hahahahaha… muwahahahahahahahaha -"

"What the hell are you doing?"

Mashu nearly choked, ruing the fact that he'd forgotten he wouldn't be alone for too long. However, he managed to regain composure in front of his half-inhuman counterpart. Even if Cynic was a wanker, he was still necessary for the objective. Besides, any scapegoat at the end was going to be useful.

"About time you showed up," he replied, ignoring the increasing number of anger veins on Cynic's forehead. "I'm going to wake them up now, so be prepared."

Cynic snorted, but nonetheless pulled up a chair and munched on stale popcorn (damned if anyone knew how it got there). Mashu raised an eyebrow at him, but was greeted with a finger, so he threw a boulder at him.

"OWW! You son of a -"

"They're awake now," Mashu deadpanned before Cynic could finish his sentence. He nodded to the cages, where its captives were beginning to stir. "Let's get them ready," he said, groaning and stretching from his standing position.

Cynic blinked, his mouth full of popcorn (dirty slob), but nodded cooperatively and complied.

**

* * *

**

"At last, the prey has been prepared," Mashu muttered, a psychotic glint in his eyes. "Heheheheheheh… just leave it to me."

"You better hope that this works," Cynic growled. "I was in the middle of my breakfast before you summoned me here."

"Breakfast, at eight in the morning?"

"Bite me!"

"How hard and where?"

"I'll take you down, damnit!"

"Just don't hurt yourself like last time, okay?"

"Damn you!"

"HEY! WHERE AM I?"

The bickering boys gulped nervously, twisting their heads around to the source of the outburst. The girl was wide-awake, and definitely pissed off. To Mashu and Cynic's horror, she was also already biting through her ropes, with every intention of kicking their asses.

"Hey, wait a minute," Mashu began, trying to buy time. "Can't you at least wait until Chrono's awake?"

"Don't tell me what to do!" the girl screamed, making her abductors cringe. "Hey, how do you know his name?" she inquired, brows furrowing in frustration.

"I know more than I can cope with, Rosette Christopher," the nerd sighed, ignoring the perturbed expressions on his peers' faces. "Anyway, how do we wake your friend?"

"Just leave it to me," Rosette replied confidently. Immediately afterwards, she bonked her skull on Chrono's. "Wake up!"

Mashu and Cynic stared, mortified and wide-eyed, as Chrono wobbled and collapsed sideways in his seat – while still bound with the rope. Rosette huffed and wriggled free of her own ropes, then straightened up and dusted herself off. Chrono wasn't even given an opportunity to recover before being yanked forcefully out of his position on the floor and onto his feet. At the same time, the foreign boys continued to stare incredulously at the scene developing before them.

'She's worse than he is…' they thought, thinking of their counterparts.

Suddenly, they were fixed with two pairs of eyes: one crimson pair, curious but nervous, the other azure, impatient and temperamental. Chrono and Rosette were waiting for whatever it was that Cynic and Mashu wanted with them. Actually, so was Cynic, when it came down to it…

"Your audience," he muttered sideways to his mortal equivalent. "I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I'll try to play along."

Mashu nodded slowly and sceptically, and pushed his hat down so his face was half-shrouded in darkness. He approached the table, biding his time and concocting an opening statement. It had to be sharp, concise and straight to the point. At the same time, he had to be subtle, careful and delicate with his victims – er, audience. But how to achieve it…

"Chrono!" he yelled suddenly, making everyone jump. Ah, screw it. He didn't know subtlety from subzero. "You have a secret you've been hiding from everyone, don't you?"

"H-Huh?" Chrono stammered awkwardly. "What do you me – ah, Rosette!"

"Is that true?" Rosette hissed. "You've been hiding things? From moi?"

"N-No!"

"Then why are you nervous?"

"Well… um…"

"Ahem!"

Heads turned to Cynic, who was growing more confused and frustrated with every passing minute. Mashu realised, with alarm, that the half-demon's horns were developing from his irritation, so he continued his interrogation – the only way he knew how.

"It's fake, isn't it?" he asked in a low voice.

"What is?" Chrono asked, thoroughly confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I always wondered why you never tripped over it," Mashu continued, walking casually towards the desk which Rosette and Chrono occupied. "What's your secret?"

"I… I don't…"

"Tell us, damnit!" A fist pounded on the wooden table – Cynic's. Everyone stared at him disdainfully, and he lowered his head. "Er… Mashu, you take it from here."

"I believe I shall," Mashu replied with an untraceable edge of spite in his voice. He returned his stoic gaze to Chrono. "Well? What's your excuse?"

"Wait a minute!" Rosette interrupted. "Just what are you trying to prove?"

"This!" Suddenly, Mashu leapt across the table and pulled at Chrono's braided hair. "Come off, damnit! Come off!"

"Oww!"

"What are you doing?" Rosette shrieked, coming to Chrono's aid. "Let him go!"

Finally, albeit reluctantly, Chrono was released from Mashu's death grip. The violet-haired boy whimpered as he held his braids tenderly, then glared at his assailant. Cynic and Rosette too frowned at him; the former because of the strife he knew would follow Mashu's actions, the latter because Chrono was _her_ way of venting frustration.

"What's your problem?" Rosette snapped, as Cynic tried to hold her back. "Just what do you want with – hey, where are you going?"

_I guess not,_ Mashu mused, proceeding towards the exit. However, he was head butted from behind before he could make his getaway. "Oww! That hurt, damnit!"

"Then mission accomplished!" Chrono growled, as a dark aura surrounded him. At the same time, the strange pocket watch around Rosette's neck began shaking. "Don't even think you can assault me without paying the price!"

"Chrono! Don't!" Rosette cried above the increasing din.

"Run, you idiot!" Cynic yelled at Mashu as he streaked past him towards the door.

"Shit!" his colleague cursed as he too attempted to avoid an ass-kicking from an enraged demon.

"Oh no you don't!" fully-formed Chrono bellowed as he pelted a ball of energy at the escapees. Cynic was just turning the doorknob when the scene became flooded in a blinding light.

**

* * *

**

"Holy crap!"

Mashu bolted up in his seat, revealing a red mark on his forehead from his sleeping. His outburst and newly-formed tattoo raised a few eyebrows and titters from the other kids in the room, which he routinely ignored. Growling in frustration, he gathered up his books while the teacher rambled on like the disruption had never occurred. He then glanced at his watch and groaned inwardly.

"Ugh… still 15 minutes left until the end of class," he grumbled before slamming his head back on the graphic novel he was using as a pillow. His head just barely covered the title of the makeshift cushion: Chrono Crusade.

**

* * *

**

**Mashu: **"What the hell…"

**Lord Cynic:** (_frowning_) "What?"

**Mashu:** "You practically turned us into Yuki and Kyo Sohma from Fruits Basket."

**Lord Cynic:** (_raises an eyebrow_) "That's a problem?"

**Mashu:** "Totally lack of original, that's what! … Stupid cat…"

**Lord Cynic:** "Damn rat…"


End file.
